Already got asked if we're dating
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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