So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
