there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
