Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize