i just wanna soil my oats bro
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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