Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
