So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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