I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
