I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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