if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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