New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
