He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Randomize
