Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
