I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
