At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
