Small penises have feelings too.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
