hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
