Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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