Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
