i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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