Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
