I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
