I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
