I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
