It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
