we have officially lost it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
