Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
