I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
