Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize