it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
