i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I want her autograph on my taint
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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