3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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