Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
should my penis look like a turkey
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
