I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
