Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
dude. I can hear the air.
God, I missed his penis.
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