Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize