What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
