Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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