I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
