I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
