Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
