so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
