Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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