I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
