i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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