Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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