I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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