i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
