she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
