He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize