I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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