Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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