Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
