i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
