Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
