first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
