my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
