Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize