As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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