I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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