just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
