Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
