I wish my penis had an off switch
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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