turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
