thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
