can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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