she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
