yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
